Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
