i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
