A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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