Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
