I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize