"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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