I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
