I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So. Much. Porn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize