Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
