Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
