How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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