we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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