I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
