In the future we'll all be gay
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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