Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
