Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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