dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
