ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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