my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
