Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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