I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
