Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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