I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
