he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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