You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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