Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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