Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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