I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
