Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
