I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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