Where is the hickey?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
