First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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