I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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