He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize