Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
