Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
