I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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