Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize