I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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