I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize