My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
