Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
