Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
