yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
