I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
