at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
