Welp...herpes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you never un-have a 4some
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
