The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize