I wish my penis had an off switch
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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