I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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