I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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