i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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