I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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