6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
