I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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