I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
