I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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