I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
