Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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