Soap is not a condiment
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
