The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
