So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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