Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i came on her dog
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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