pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
