she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
