I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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