He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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