If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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