I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
