I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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